I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
