Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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