Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
