it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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