so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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