I like my sex mixed with concussions.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
