JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
