I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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