can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
