jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
