living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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