This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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