:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize