Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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