i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I want is dick and wine.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
