you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
