i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
