I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
