Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
