Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
