I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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