Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
