pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
