I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
