Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
