apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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