No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
