i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
