Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
