i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i out mim tonsoeep
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
