We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
