So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
