he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
