Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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