I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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