Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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