Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
