I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
