I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
