put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You took a bar mat shot.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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