i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
