apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
