She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
