this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize