I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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