true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
