Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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