SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
