you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
