When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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