So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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