I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
