insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
