My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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