I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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