I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
