Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
