FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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