uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize