I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
