So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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