nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
