i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
