I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
